Hi, I’m James D’Souza
I coach single women on their unique talents so they can attract a great guy.
More specifically: I help women who have been single over a year create a path to a new relationship.
I could be a the right coach if you:
- are fed up of reading different books, watching various videos, trying lots of things – and nothing working,
- have a willingness to challenge yourself, play with ideas, and grapple with concepts
- notice the negativity that’s written about men, and you want a different way of looking at the whole area.
I might not be a fit if you:
- spend time with your friends being negative about how men are, and how they should be, retelling dating disasters,
- live in hope, and expect your relationship life to change without committing to taking serious action,
- approach life without integrity – your words don’t match your actions. This how you choose to live your life.
I take a different approach than most relationship coaches
- I start from what makes you unique – your talents. As a certified Gallup Strengths Coach I use the CliftonStrengths assessment to identify your areas of brilliance. It’s my job to have you understand your talents, appreciate them, and leave you using them to feel great about yourself.
- I focus on the reasons behind motivations, thoughts or feelings. I do not believe in working on tactics and strategies of what to text, when to call, or conversation scripts. This is deeper work that requires self-awareness. This can be challenging.
- I coach people who are committed to being in a relationship. On the one hand this is a long-term project. On the other hand, miracles happen – but I suggest that we need to make the space for them to occur. Without a commitment, there is a little point using my material.
I’m aware that there is a lot of material about this topic and that it can be confusing. Take this survey to discover if I’m the right coach for you. If you’re curious about what led me to choose this area read ‘Background’ below.
As I write this, I’m approaching my tenth wedding anniversary. It’s equal parts amazing and painful. Much like real life.
When Davina and I got together in 2002, it became clear that something special was present. What we didn’t expect as our relationship grew and deepened, was for people around us to start saying how we inspired them – as a couple. At first, I was concerned about being presumptuous and arrogant, but over the years, my marriage is one area of my life that really works. And it shows: fifteen years on, people still compliment us on our partnership.
Whenever I’ve been asked what marriage is like I say: “the good bits are even better, and the bad bits are even worse”. It is a roller-coaster. It doesn’t feel like a fifteen-year relationship. It keeps growing and evolving. It’s challenging, painful, upsetting, and frustrating, but also incredibly life-affirming, nurturing, hilarious, and profound. I want people to know it’s possible to have this: a fulfilling relationship with a beautiful partner.
Does this sound sickeningly ridiculous? Truthfully, what started me on the path to coaching in this area, and got on my nerves was being absolutely fed up of the women around me saying it was difficult to meet decent men. I’m a nice guy – I know other great men too – but it seems as if we get crowded out by the male stereotype. So, over the years, I have shared my opinions with female friends – perhaps a bit too bluntly. I always felt I had to do something to stick up for the nice guy. To truly test out my ideas, I asked a single friend if I could coach her on the area of relationships. She said yes. It was during this time, I discovered that I give women deep insight into the world of (good) guys.
I am a certified Gallup Strengths Coach and use the CliftonStrengths Assessment as one of my frameworks. My writing about men and masculinity has been published on the Campaign Against Living Miserably, Good Men Project, iNews, Huffington Post, and The Guardian. I’ve been featured on BBC Breakfast and guest edited an hour of BBC Radio 5Live.
Apart from Coaching, I work as a secondary school teacher and have done so for over ten years. I teach Business Studies, Economics, and Psychology; I have a BSc in Business Administration and Psychology as a combined honours degree.
I have also immersed myself in a range of self-development courses and literature since my early twenties – from Stephen Covey’s ‘Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’ , to David Allen’s ‘Getting Things Done’; from Louise Hay’s ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ to David Deida’s ‘The Way of the Superior Man’, through to Tim Ferriss’ ‘Four-Hour Body’ and Neil Strauss’ ‘The Truth’. A number of specific results in my life have come from taking on the ideas in these books: from getting married, to losing weight. This is why I will not ask people to do things I have not done already.